A Little Help from The Other Side of the Chip Stack

Hey, poker people. Listen up, missus poker has some o' dat 411 foah yah.

I'm giving you a little heads up, from the other side of the proverbial 'chip stack', if you please.

You know we love you, you men and women of poker. We, your spouses, your best friends... your family. We. Love. You. and because we love you, we understand and love poker. Some more than others, sure, but to love you is to love poker, and really, would we even be together if we didn't?

Right.

So, you are talking to someone who loves you and loves poker, OK? Remember that, because this next part might be a little harsh.

Shut. The. FUCK. Up about it already. I do NOT, repeat; I DO NOT want to hear a play by play of every single pivotal (in your mind, anyway) hand in the last tournament that you just got bubbled out of. I don't. I love you, I do, but after like... i don't know, the SECOND hand you start explaining. In perfect, fucking detail. With very, veerrrrry important details like how long the other person took to CALL YOU, honey... you start sounding like Charlie Brown's mother.

CB'sMom: Waawhhwahh wawhh wah wawh.

CB: Oh, riiiight. Mm-hm...?

CB'sMom: Wahh wawh wah waawh wah waawhh!

CB: NO WAY! huh!

CB'sMom: wawh wawh wawh waawh! the button! and then he fucking CALLAWAHWAH!

CB: FUCKING DONKEY! Gawd!

When our eyes glaze over and you notice that we're really only repeating the last three words of your previous sentence? Just cut to the end, OK? Because we DO love you, and we DO love poker. Just, please, stop talking. thankyoujeezus.