Choices

I woke up from my nap with my babies today, putted around the house for a bit and then opened the front door to let my dogs in. One of those little pamphlet things fluttered to my feet and I bent down to pick it up. At first glance, all that registered was that it wasn't from the Jehovah Witnesses who frequently leave handy little pamphlets and flier's at my door in a vain attempt to save my soul. When I looked closer, I found that it was from our power company. THIS handy little flier informed me that although they were very sorry, they had to shut my power off due to some ridiculous thing about 'non-payment'.

I looked around in bewilderment, as I was certain that I had just turned the T.V. on for my little ones, and that I was, in fact, standing in my well-lit kitchen.

So our power isn't off, at least not yet. I have no idea why they DIDN'T turn it off, although I'm EXTREMELY grateful. This latest little notice follows a notice of foreclosure on our mortgage and a summons for non-payment of a credit card bill.

We are currently broke, in other words. Broke, broke, broke.

This, my friends, is the ugly side of the chip stack. This is why so many, why almost EVERYONE else chooses stability over things like loving your job, being able to be flexible in your work schedule... stability is the thing that makes you certain that there will be no little pamphlet in your door when you get up from your nap. I don't want it, understand. I know that my man will come through, that we won't lose our house or our power tomorrow. I know this, because I believe in him and I love him with every fibre of my being.

I just kinda understand why some people choose stability.

For me, I choose my life, this unstable, messy, scary life that affords my kids and me more love and happiness than most people ever know.

I choose my man; he is my stability, my sanity.

I just hope he pays the goddamn power bill tomorrow.